i am what i am!!

Saturday, December 01, 2012

On purpose...!!

Let me start by thanking god for rewarding my hard work with result! I have had a rather gud last couple of months nd i m very thank ful for it. And i say it from the bottom of my heart and i really have no complaints except a few from I Me Myself. I sometime feel like my biggest enemy, biggest critic. It has been gud for me where i have taken charge of my life and took the blame for my failures. And of course credited myself with a proud pat on back when i did things right. But these bloody right things does not lead to satisfaction as they should. Let me try and explain...... When things dont go right we crib, complain, promise ourselves that we would learn from our mistakes but seldom in my case rarely reflect on the what all we have achieved. It does not mean that i m not thankful just that when things go wrong we focus on trying to get out of it more than leaving it behind and moving on. But my problem starts even when everything goes swell i start thinking about what did not. I feel as if i did not do enough to make things right. That maybe if i had worked hard enough i would have achieve a different result. Dont regret it but just cant let it go. It is specially true when it involves another person, a person who did you some what wrong, though nothing that deserves capital punishment but something that broke your trust. And even if they confess and say sorry you feel angry. But after years you look back and think maybe i should have forgiven. You miss that special bond, that someone to talk to. I hate it! Some things are like your favourite pajamas no matter how faded it looks, or how many times it has been compared to a rag you just cant let it go. I wish i could throw it away and regret it rather then keeping them and hiding from my mum every time i wear them. It drives me crazy that i cant move past certain experience even when i know nothing can be done nd they are over. It feels as if i m being sad on purpose when i clearly i dun want to be. I so wish that my cat was alive. 'J'


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